IMPOSTER SYNDROME – How Limiting Beliefs Might Be Holding You Back

BY ALAN.MATTHEWS

I once ran a workshop for women entrepeneurs and I asked the question, ” Which of you secretly feels like you’re an imposter? You feel as if you don’t really know what you’re doing, you’re amazed that no-one has noticed yet and you’re worried that, one day, you’ll be found out. ”

Every person in the room put her hand up.

I’ve mentioned this to quite a lot of people I’ve worked with since then and most of them have said, ” Oh, do other people feel like that as well? I thought it was just me!

Yes, “imposter syndrome” is very common. It affects both men and women and it can affect people who would appear to others to be successful and confident .

If you suffer from it, you’re carrying around some every negative thoughts about yourself – or limiting beliefs. These may be something like:

§  I can’t do this job very well

§  other people are better/cleverer than me

§  my opinion is worth less than other people’s

§  other people find things easier than I do

§  other people are more confident than I am

§  I’m not the sort of person to be really successful

§  I’m only fooling people into thinking I can do this

As well as thinking negative things about yourself, you’re also making a lot of assumptions about other people. For example, you probably don’t know whether other people are confident or find things easy. They just give you that impression. You don’t know how they feel inside, any more than they know how you really feel.

How can you break free from this?

The first thing is to realise that you’re doing it. Do you recognise any of the beliefs I’ve listed above? If so, then at least you’ve got them out in the open.

The next thing is to accept that these are just thoughts, they’re not facts. They’re just notions you have. Who knows where you got them from?

A lot of our negative thoughts come from childhood, when someone told us we were no good at something. For example, a teacher may have told you that you couldn’t draw or sing or a parent told you that you were clumsy and and you’ve carried that with you ever since.

How can you change a negative thought?

Here’s one exercise you can try.

Take one negative thought, such as one from the list above, and write it down. Then ask yourself:

§  Do I really believe this?

§  Is it true? Can I absolutely say that it’s true?

§  Could I be wrong about it?

§  What evidence do I have for this thought?

§  How does thinking this make me feel?

§  How would I feel if I didn’t have this thought? How would I act differently

Just going this far will help you to see that some of these beliefs don’t stand up to close scrutiny.

You can then go further and write down some positive beliefs or thoughts, the reverse of the negative ones, such as:

§  I am very capable and good at this job

§  I can learn and develop new skills whenever I need to

§  I have achieved a lot and can achieve even more

§  My opinion is worth as much as anyone else’s

§  Ask yourself whether these new beliefs could be just as true as the old ones. Look for evidence that supports them, begin to act on them and strengthen them ( just as you did with the old ones )

Try to catch yourself thinking the old thoughts and stop it. Work on replacing them with some new, more positive beliefs. This isn’t about deluding yourself or trying to ignore reality. Your old thoughts weren’t reality either, they were just one view of how things are.

Another thing you can do is to get feedback from other people you respect. You’ll probably be surprised that their view is actually more positive than your own! And, if they do point out some areas where you could improve, then you’ve got something concrete to work on, instead of just having some vague idea in your head that you’re somehow “not good enough”.