25 January 2014

PARENTING - The joys of adoption






The joys of adoption

 | January 25, 2014
The process is full of hurdles, but the rewards are worth the hassle, according to couples who shared their experience with FMT.
KUALA LUMPUR: In Malaysia, adopting a child through legal channels can be a tedious process involving a lot of red tape, but the memory of the hassles often melt away for couples who eventually manage to cross the hurdles to collect their bundles of joy.
Among the organisations in Malaysia that help find adoptive homes for orphans and abandoned children, OrphanCARE Foundation (OC) is perhaps the most prominent.
Yesterday, OC threw a tea party here for adoptive parents and children, and two of the couples who attended told their stories to FMT.
Abdul Salam Daniel and wife Sandra, both in their late forties, already had three children when they decided to adopt Jasmine.
“After having two boys and one girl, we noticed how our daughter was alone and had no one to play with,” said Abdul Salam. “So we started looking around for possibilities.”
A friend eventually referred them to OC. Its officials introduced them to Jasmine, and they took to her immediately.
Because they were foreigners, the Home Ministry rejected their initial application.t However, they appealed and eventually obtained the ministry’s approval.
“We are grateful to OC because they wrote a strong letter to the ministry, insisting that they give us a chance,” said Abdul Salam, who is pursuing his PhD in Anthropology.
Jasmine was adopted in June 2010, when she was three and a half years old.
Most couples would prefer to adopt a child when it is still a new baby, but for Abdul Salam and Sandra, Jasmine’s age was just right because they wanted a girl who was close in age to their third child. Jasmine is two years younger than her sister.
The couple said Jasmine was an easy child to handle.
However, they face challenges in terms of legal documentation.
The Mexican-American couple has faced difficulties obtaining visas to visit the United States.
“We did not have problems with either the Malaysian or Mexican government,” Abdul Salam said.
“However, the US has been suspicious as we did not go through the US adoption procedure. This has led to problems whenever we want to visit the US.”
But they call Malaysia home, having lived here for eight years.
Sandra, who teaches Spanish in an international school, lamented that many people wrongly believe that it is not advisable to adopt a child that is past its baby stage.
“They think it would be difficult to raise an already grown up child as they are set in their ways,” she said.
“But with Jasmine, it was different. She was eager to have a family.
“People always have a misunderstanding when, in actuality, it is mentioned in the Quran that Allah blesses parents who adopt children.”
Sandra also dislikes it when people stare at her daughter because she is a midget.
“Even when I bring her to the clinic, people will ask me whether she’s adopted or not. What’s the importance of knowing whether she’s adopted or not?”
Tips
According to Sandra, Jasmine is aware that she is an adopted child.
Giving tips to potential adoptive parents, Sandra stressed that adoption must be a family decision.
“Please talk to the other children first,” she said.
“With Jasmine, it was a family decision. When we decided to adopt her, the whole family went to visit her.”
Abdul Salam has this warning for prospective adoptive parents: “The adoption process can be difficult, so there must be lots of prayer. However, it’s worth it. There is nothing better than to give a child a family.”
The Loo couple, who have been married for 13 years, decided to adopt baby Caleb after exhausting all other attempts to have children.
“We did not want to go to the traditional black market,” said the wife. “And Chinese babies are difficult to come by. That is why it took us so long to get a baby.”
They registered with OC, and waited and waited.
“Because there were no Chinese babies, they even advised us to find one on our own,” she said.
In accordance with OC’s policy, babies who come without identification automatically go to Muslim parents.
However, the Loos eventually came into contact with a pregnant woman who was willing to give up her baby for adoption. They then sought OC’s help to get them through the adoption process.
“OC taught the legal procedures that we had to go through,” she said. “We waited for the baby to be born and helped the birth mother to do the baby’s birth certificate.”
The couple then signed statutory declarations, as did lawyers appointed by OC. They went through the Welfare Department’s red tape and then filed the case with the courts.
“OC was helpful and made the process hassle-free,” she said.
The Loos said they would raise Caleb in a non-traditional way.
“There’ll be no caning,” said the wife. “I’ll speak softly to him and use psychology instead.”
She admitted not knowing whether this method of child raising would be successful, but said she simply wanted her baby to enjoy his childhood.
Asked whether they would adopt more children, she said she did not want to rob other couples of the chance to adopt a child.
“Although we really want to have a girl, we want to give Caleb the best first. If someone were to offer me a baby, I would offer it to another couple since I already have that chance.”
She recommended that adoptive mothers breastfeed their babies so that they would experience what biological mothers experience.
Mrs Loo managed to breastfeed Caleb until he was four months old.
“However, I employed the wrong method. I should have let him latch onto me to induce the milk.”
Husband and wife agree that being parents to Caleb has been “total bliss”.
“Having someone else’s child as your own brings happiness to a different, higher level,” she said.
“There’s no feeling that he’s not ours. No, Caleb did not change our lives. He has enriched our lives.”

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