Article by Pratishtha Shukla
OK! This is something that any girl- no matter married, unmarried or about to get married- can very well relate to. A subject lingering in every girl’s mind, how to be a perfect daughter-in-law. How to attain that perfect tuning in the new family she has just become a part of, is the prior thought. It’s always bigger a task to be a perfect daughter-in-law as compared to being just a good wife, and as perceived, many women fail to become one, resulting into bitter vicinity at home. The not so good relationship between a mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law often turns out to be the biggest spoiler. So here we are with some ways to strike that perfect balance!!
10. This new family is also my family
Accept your in laws with open arms and give them the same stature in your mind and heart that you have for your own family, where you were born and brought up. Although no two families are ever the same, but keeping a positive attitude towards the people you have just met will only take you further to nurture some beautiful new relations, that are meant to last for the entire life ahead. In fact, this will end up landing you in a situation where you have the love and blessings of two families, and not just one.
9. Establishing heart to heart relationships
Never try developing fake relations or exhibit disguised feelings to win over a person, as the relations generated will be really short lived, and they might end up in worse circumstances, as relations need to be meant and felt by heart and soul. Right from the beginning, give in your heart and soul in getting to know each and every family member, so that you start developing that bond, which deepens on and on as the time passes by. The relations that have hearts indulged in, never fail, in fact they blossom making every day brighter than before.
8. Your husband is not just your husband, but a son, brother and much more to his family
Being over possessive regarding your husband and trying to acquire your complete authority on him may not sink in well with your in laws, and they might wonder you to be creating a rift between their son and them, which won’t earn you a score. Don’t forget that before being a husband to you, he has been a son, brother and a lot more to his family for years. Let him be the same guy with his family, and you’ll observe that things are so much well in place. Of course he is your husband and should spent time with you, but make sure you add inputs from your side to let him connect to his parents, which matters a lot even if it’s just through a message. The boy’s parents, in maximum cases are having a pre conception that that their daughter in law might take away their son from them, but don’t let that conception turn out to be true. Let him stay connected, and you as well, as it will wipe away that fear off your in laws mind and will make them accept you whole heartedly.
7. Never having that “My family is superior” notion
As the family you are married into is new for you, so are you to them. Keeping aside some disgraceful cases, the in laws generally are ready to have their daughter in law as an integral part of their family. So, having a stubborn mindset of the fact that whatever they (in laws) do, my family is better and unmatched will lead you nowhere in your attempt of turning out into a good daughter in law. You love your family and it is the best you could have got, agreed, but the new family and people you are moving to, stand an equal chance of proving out to be as warm and cordial. Comparison at every step and moment will not only make you discontent, but will also irritate and let down your in laws, if the feelings are somehow disclosed, which certainly will, as some thoughts can’t be conceived.
6. If in a fix, never fail to make the first move
Well, now that you are into a new family as their daughter in law, good times and bad times are an indispensable part. And what else than an adversity is a chance to prove your loyalty and concern. Therefore, never let that hesitation come in between before stepping forward to help and safeguard your family, after all they are your own people now. Since you are new to the family, getting stuck at some situations is something very obvious. Feel free to take your elder’s opinions and suggestions, as this not only will bring you out of the dilemma you are in, but will also strengthen the bond and take you a step closer to your in laws as they’ll get a feeling of oneness.
5. Your baby is their grandchild as well, so never surpass the fact
Always having a firm possession of your baby might upset your in laws, specially your spouse’s parents. As much as you have longed for a baby, so have they. Allow them to spend time with their grandchild and even babysit him/her at times. This will not only help you extract some time for yourself, but will certainly make your in laws elated as they will have their grandchild with them, all by themselves. The idea will be a two way benefit for you, as on one hand your child will get good morals and values from granny and grandpa, simultaneously on the other hand this act of yours will fill your in laws heart with tons of love for you as well.
4. Don’t change yourself, but be open to those little changes you come across
See, nobody would ever suggest you to change yourself to flatter the other person. But little amendments should always be welcomed as they might be for the better, and who knows, they might turn out as a boon for you in the long run. When you enter a new family to be a part of, things won’t be the way they used to be back at your maternal home. But, the way you mould yourself in the new place is how you become a good daughter in law. It’s always those tiny things that shape up later into wonders, and you being in for some little changes will certainly be an add on in the quest of becoming an ideal daughter in law.
3. Respect all, this always earns you some brownie points
There is a possibility for having some nagging in laws, who are not ready to accept their daughter in law with a warm and happy heart. But, hatred given for hatred has never resulted into bliss. Since you are the younger one in the family, don’t leave a single stone unturned to win over hearts, and giving respect to all is a good start in the league. And respect coming straight from the heart never goes in vain. Therefore, give your heartfelt regards to every in law of yours the way you do with your own family. Even a hard hearted person won’t be able to remain untouched with your pleasing and humble little gestures.
2. Having a prior level of high expectations is not recommended
OK! Since my parents were highly liberal to me in all aspects, my in laws have to be the same, no matter what!! This pre defined notion is never going to help you with your in laws. Give some time, people may turn out to be wonderful in their own way, if not in a similar way as your family. Keeping too much expectations always result into dissatisfaction, as expectations are something very hard to be fulfilled. Your in laws might have some qualities in them which you may not have found earlier, people are special in their own ways. So, the golden rule is “Don’t expect too much”.
1. A perfect rapport with husband will help you score high
And to top it all, who better than your husband can help you prove yourself a good daughter in law. He being the one you are closest to in your new world, not only understands you the most, but helps you strike the chord with his own family. Sharing your experiences and exchanging a word regarding day to day happenings will earn you some significant suggestions that you can bring to aid. He is the one who can act as the best possible interface between you and your in laws, and also the help you eradicate that line of hesitation and discomfort in between. Knowing and understanding your in laws will no longer remain a tough task to accomplish once you have your husband to back you. He is the one, who can bring out that perfect daughter in law in you.
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