MEN - Men avoid facing up to who they are

Some men convince themselves and those around them 

that they are something they're not.

Samantha could no longer cope with Jeremy's drinking and partying. She told him their marriage was over. Jeremy begged and cried. Samantha only softened when he agreed to see me and move out until he got himself together. He then pounded on Samantha's door at two in the morning in torn shirtsleeves and wasn't sure how he had got there or where his money and keys were. Samantha gave the taxi driver Jeremy's address and $50. His keys were his landlord's problem.

Jeremy suffers from a certain cluelessness that afflicts countless men. I have seen men soused in alcohol, clutching at an affair, threatening suicide and seeing prostitutes - anything to avoid facing their own emptiness. All that they've worked for and achieved doesn't mean anything. They subconsciously believe that who they are is not enough.

When searching for your inner voice, it is necessary to have quiet. Quiet is confrontational, it exposes the inner emptiness. Only in the quiet can you discern the difference between the advertisement about who you are and the product you're advertising. The product is the real thing, not the jingle. But the jingle is louder than the product.

Jeremy's saving grace was that he had a son. He saw how easy Ben's authenticity was. The reward for being real with Ben was immediate. Jeremy needed to see that being in a relationship with Ben was no different from being in a relationship with an adult or himself.

Facing the music

Jeremy is scared his real self is boring. People have tolerated his "proving" self, the act he has done a thousand times. But the only thing that is truly interesting about any of us is our authenticity.

Jeremy has a dependant relationship with Samantha. Her role is to keep Jeremy's insecurities under control.

Does he love her? It's all mixed in with him needing her to stop him going to pieces, psychologically and emotionally. This presents itself as clinginess and sullenness; he is inferring that she doesn't love him enough. It is manipulative and needy.

Jeremy's self-respect should be greater than his need to be emotionally babysat. It is time to be his own man.

Jeremy's breakthrough came at Ben's soccer game. Ben said he was glad Jeremy was there. Jeremy cried from relief at not having to try anymore. Who he was was enough.

It was Jeremy's first experience of standing still, being present, listening and responding from the quiet of his real self. The hardest part was over.

Source: http://man.bodyandsoul.com.au/