There are many reasons why people may
act and respond in a non-assertive way, this pages examines some of the most
common. When people are not assertive they can suffer from a loss of confidence
and self-esteem, which is more likely to make them less assertive in the
future. It is therefore important to break the cycle and learn to be more
assertive, whilst at the same time respecting the views and opinions of other
people. We all have a right to express our feelings, values and opinions.
Reasons People are Not Assertive
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence
Feelings of low self-esteem or self-worth often lead to
individuals dealing with other people in a passive way.
By not asserting their rights, expressing their feelings
or stating clearly what they want, those with low self-esteem or
self-confidence may invite others to treat them in the same way. Low
self-esteem is reinforced in a vicious circle of passive response and reduced
self-confidence.
Roles
Certain roles are associated with non-assertive
behaviour, for example low status work roles or the traditional role of women.
Stereotypically, women are seen as passive, while men are expected to be more
aggressive.
There can be great pressure on people to conform to the
roles that are placed upon them. You may be less likely to be assertive to your
boss at work than you would be to a colleague or co-worker who you considered
to be at an equal or lower level than you in the organisation.
Past Experience
Many people learn to respond in
a non-assertive way through experience or through modelling their behaviour on
that of parents or other role models. Learnt behaviour can be difficult to
unlearn and the help of a counsellor may be needed.
Stress
When people are stressed they often feel like they have
little or no control over the events their lives.
People who are stressed or anxious can often resort to
passive or aggressive behaviour when expressing their thoughts and feelings.
This is likely to increase the feelings of stress and potentially make others
feel stressed or anxious as a result.
Personality Traits
Some people believe they are either passive or aggressive
by nature, in other words that they were born with certain traits and that
there is little they can do to change their form of response.
This is very nearly always an
incorrect assumption, everybody can learn to be more assertive even if their
natural tendencies are passive or aggressive.
Assertiveness Rights and Responsibilities
To be assertive is to understand that
everyone has basic human rights that should be respected and upheld.
Responding passively can allow such rights to be
neglected or ignored. In contrast, when behaving aggressively the rights of
others can be abused.
Rights that are considered 'personal rights' will vary
from person to person and will differ from culture to culture.
An individual's assertive rights should always include:
·
The right to express feelings, opinions,
values and beliefs.
·
The right to change one's mind.
·
The right to make decisions.
·
The right to say "I don't know" and/or
"I don't understand".
·
The right to say "no" without feeling
bad or guilty.
·
The right to be non-assertive.
·
The right to personal freedom, to be one's
self.
·
The right to privacy, to be alone and
independent.
It is often necessary to balance the needs of others against our own. Consideration needs to be given as to when it is appropriate to assert personal rights and when it is not.
Remember that the list of assertive
rights applies equally to other people as well as to yourself. Therefore, every
individual has the responsibility to uphold and respect the rights of others.
Negotiation and Co-operation
Being assertive does not mean that individual wishes are
automatically granted: you will not always get what you want.
Assertive behaviour allows other people to state what
they want and, of course, they might desire a different outcome. To overcome a
conflict, assertiveness requires co-operation and negotiation.
Co-operation and negotiation allow all parties to feel that their views have
been recognised and that any decisions or outcomes have been reached through
mutual understanding and negotiation.
No comments:
Post a Comment