SELF MOTIVATION - How to Think Positively

Reflect on Your Negative Thinking

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   Understand the benefits of being a positive thinker. Choosing to think more positively will not only help you take control of your life and make your everyday experiences more pleasant, but it will have countless benefits on your mental and physical health as well as your ability to deal with change. Being aware of these benefits can help you be even more motivated to think positively on a regular basis.[1]Here are some of the most important benefits of positive thinking:
   
   
   
   
   • An increased life span
   • Lower rates of depression and distress
   • Greater resistance to the common cold
   • Better mental and physical well-being
   • Better coping skills during times of stress
   • A more natural ability to form relationships and cement bonds
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   Take responsibility for your attitude. Remember that you experience about 50,000 to 60,000 thoughts every single day of your life. And they're your thoughts –– nobody controls how you feel and think unless you let them. This might seem like a very challenging idea if you're used to absorbing the emotions and preferences of other people, but you're always making a choice to think positively or negatively.
   
   
   
   
   • Own up to the reality that your feelings are something you can control. This will make you feel more empowered and able to change your thinking patterns.
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   Make a plan to stop being a negative thinker. That means deciding to conquer the negativity that is going on around you -- and there will always be plenty of it. Think of what you can do today that is good for you and others that is positive and constructive. Decide how you will react in ways that will make a difference to your life instead of allowing people and situations to dictate what you think and do. Here's how to have a bullet-proof game plan for positive thinking:
   
   
   
   
   • Don't let other people ruin your plan. People will often make things seem more important or worrisome than they really are. By not allowing yourself to be swept away by crowd-enhanced anxiety and instead taking time to think it over and get an answer that works, you'll feel less pressured to conform or to fall in line even though doing so doesn't match who you are.
   • Making a plan to be more positive will already be a move in the right direction. This will help you to stay positive because you will feel a greater sense of control over your life and your choices.
   • Your plan can be simple: you can vow to identify and record your negative thoughts each day, and to take time to reflect on why you had those thoughts and how you can improve them.
   • As you continue to execute your plan, you'll see that identifying your negative thoughts becomes easier and maintaining a negative attitude will be harder.
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   Keep a diary to reflect your thoughts. By recording your daily thoughts, you can actually see a pattern develop right before you that shows a string of positive or negative thoughts. Write down thoughts and feelings as they loom large and try to spot the triggers that have resulted in either positive or negative thoughts. Taking just twenty minutes to follow your pattern of thinking at the end of every day can be a valuable way to identify what went wrong and what you can do to improve.
   
   
   
   
   • Instead of writing in journal form, you can even make a list of the five most prevalent negative thoughts and positive thoughts you had that day, and take time to analyze them.
   • Keeping a diary is particularly helpful during times of stress. Stress can be managed, but only when you recognize how you're reacting to stressful events. By noting your triggers and reactions during stressful periods, you'll have something concrete to work with to change for the better.

Identify and Fight Negative Thoughts

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   Identify your automatic negative thoughts. In order to shift away from the negative thinking that is holding you back from having a positive outlook, you'll need to become more aware of your "automatic negative thoughts". When you recognize them, you're in a position to challenge them and give them their marching orders to move right out of your head.
   
   
   
   
   • Once you identify the negative thought, knowing what type of negative thought it is can help you further battle this kind of thinking and counteract this thought with positive thoughts in the opposite direction.
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   Avoid "black and white thinking." In this type of thinking, everything you encounter either is or it isn't; there are no shades of gray. Therefore, if something doesn't turn out the way you want it to, everything must be bad because nothing can be salvaged unless there are gray areas. It's a great one for procrastinators who say things like, "Since I'm not likely to get this paper done in time, why bother trying at all?"
   
   
   
   
   • To avoid this type of thinking, embrace the shades of gray in life. Instead of thinking in terms of two outcomes, one positive, and one negative, make a list of all of the outcomes in between to see that things aren't as dire as they seem.
   • For example, if you get a late start on a paper and think you shouldn't bother because you won't finish it in time, consider the other possibilities. You could finish half the paper and still get a better grade than if you don't turn it in; you could finish the whole paper but have it be a bit more rough that you hoped; you could even talk to your teacher to see if you could get an extension.
   • "Black and white thinking" is a form of "over-generalizing." This is thinking that things are never or always a certain way. This is a way of scolding yourself into permanent inability, such as when you say something like: "I always botch these tests. Why would today be any different?" or "She is never wrong, therefore it must be me who is wrong."
   • Seeing the shades of gray in any situation will help you see that it's almost never the end of the world when you feel like your back is pushed up against the wall.
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   Avoid "personalizing." Personalizing is thinking that anything that goes wrong is automatically your fault. Not only is this a form of narcissism, but it's liable to make you feel terrible in almost any situation. If you take this type of thinking too far, you can get paranoid and think that no one likes you or wants to hang out with you, and that every little move you make is going to disappoint someone.[2]
   
   
   
   
   • This is the way someone who is used to absorbing people's feelings thinks. You may think, "Betty didn't smile at me this morning. I must have done something to upset her." However, it's most likely that Betty was just having a bad day; you'll only get frustrated if you think of what you could have done to hurt her.
   • To avoid this kind of thinking, be rational. Slow down and think of all the other reasons a negative situation might happen. For example, think about Betty as an individual outside of yourself -- you may remember that Betty's favorite pet died over the weekend or that she's going through a tough breakup. This will make you see that her reaction had nothing to do with you.
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   Avoid "filter thinking." This is when you choose to only hear the negative message in something communicated to you. For example, your boss might have praised you on a job well done, but mentioned a small area where you might make a few changes next time. Your poor boss is trying to help you identify where you could fix just a few minor issues, and you're too busy turning this feedback into a damning criticism, failing to see the gigantic praise that came your way. If you think this way, then you'll never see the positive in any situation.
   
   
   
   
   • To avoid filter thinking, reflect on the entire situation and even take notes. Make a list of all of the things that were said, positive and negative. If you write down everything your boss said to you during a generally positive meeting, then you'll have visual confirmation that the positive comments greatly outweigh the negative ones.
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   Avoid "catastrophizing." This is when you can't think of anything without assuming it's all going to end in doom and gloom. For example, you might think that your entire family will be hit by a bus during the day, all because you didn't kiss them goodbye. It's unrealistic, and it is very exhausting to keep thinking this way. Here's how you can avoid catastrophe thinking:
   
   
   
   
   • Be practical. Think of the likelihood of something completely devastating happening. For example, if you fall into a negative panic every time a loved one is on an airplane, remember that a person has a better chance of dying by getting hit over the head with a coconut than in a plane crash.
   • Think of all the catastrophes that happened to you and the people around you. Sure, some people get tough breaks, but how many people do you actually know who were murdered, had their house broken into and all of their possessions stolen, or whose cars exploded? Chances are, the number is close to zero.
   • To minimize catastrophic thinking, avoid television shows that promote the idea that gruesome murder or tragic accidents are an every day occurrence. They may seem like an everyday occurrence when you take the general population into account, but the chances of them happening to one person are very low.
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   Avoid "fortune-telling thinking." If you spend your time gazing into your crystal ball that actually looks backwards and decides the future according to what you've experienced in the past, you will be convinced that things aren't going to work. For example, you might say to yourself, "This friendship is bound to fail, just like my previous ones." It probably will, because you've just rubber-stamped the outcome in your mind, and your subconscious will do its best to make you fail so you'll be right.
   
   
   
   
   • Instead, learn to take things on a case-by-case basis. Just because you had a bad breakup with your previous boyfriend doesn't mean that the same will happen with your new boyfriend. If you keep having the same bad breakup for the same reason, then it's time to do some soul-searching, but if it was a completely different situation, then don't lose hope in your current situation or it will show.
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   Challenge all of your negative thoughts. Just because you may have spent most of your life thinking negatively, that doesn't make this behavior right or healthy. Initially, it can feel very confronting to keep reminding yourself that the negative thoughts deserve challenging when they distress or disrupt you. Here are some great ways to start challenging those negative thoughts:
   
   
   
   
   • Begin by asking simple questions when the automatic negative thoughts pop up, particularly questions like, "Did I just make that up because it sounded reasonable but I lacked the facts?" or "How does it help me to think negatively like this?" and "Is this situation as bad as I'm making it out to be?"
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   Replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Once you're feeling confident that you can spot and challenge negative thoughts, you're ready to make active choices about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This doesn't mean that everything in your life will always be positive ––sometimes bad things happen and you'll feel genuinely bad –– and that's normal. Aiming for a positive outlook means replacing the daily unhelpful thinking patterns with thoughts that actually help you to flourish. Here are some great ways to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones:
   
   
   
   
   • Find the good in events, people and things around you, all of the time. Find at least one thing you like about every person you meet and every place you go.
   • Make a list of all the thinks you're thankful for every night.
   • Recognize challenging situations and people as opportunities rather than as setbacks. A challenge is a chance to grow and learn.
   • Tell yourself that the future is filled with possibilities and the potential for good things. Make a list of all the good things you're looking forward to in the future.

Live an Optimistic Life

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   Remember that thinking positively takes time. Developing a positive outlook is actually the development of a skill. You're not born thinking negatively –– it happens over time as you absorb the world around you, including how you were raised, educated, and treated through life. As with any skill, it takes time to master, and it requires dedicated practice and gentle reminders about not falling back into negative thinking.
   
   
   
   
   • Say positive things about yourself, regularly. How you communicate to yourself affects your thinking and your emotions, as well as your self-esteem.
   • Be sure to praise yourself for things done well; you deserve to acknowledge the good you've achieved and the efforts you made. Treat yourself to something and keep it as a memento of that achievement.
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   Try new things. Experiencing a wide variety of life will do wonders. Stepping out of your comfort zone can often take you by surprise and knock those negative generalizations and black and white thoughts right back into their cave. Something as simple as trying a new food in a restaurant can lead to the discovery of new tastes and different sensations, along with the release of negative prior impressions. Here are some other new things that can help put a positive spin on your life:
   
   
   
   
   • Take an acting class. This is a great way to express yourself and move out of your comfort zone.
   • Visit a new town, city, or country and see how other people view the world.
   • Read a novel in a genre you've never considered before.
   • Learn a new skill, such as knitting.
   • Take up learning an instrument, do sudoku, or learn a new language.
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   Be more aware. Negative thinking is often an excuse to live in a rut, stay on autopilot and to stop really seeing and experiencing the world and other beings. It's a form of creating a shield around oneself and shutting down on being present and is mentally lazy. By forcing yourself to notice people, listen attentively, feel the things happening to you with grace and care and to remain aware of what is happening, you'll find that it's much more enjoyable to be positive. Here's how being more aware can make your life more positive:
   
   
   
   
   • You'll be better able to recognize turtle behavior (trying to escape back into your shell) and be gentle with yourself rather than beating yourself up for mistakes –– for example, if you're just tired and need a break, you'll learn to understand your body and take a rest instead of thinking you're slow or lazy.
   • Consider taking up meditation as a way to center yourself and learn excellent focus. By meditating every day for 10 to 20 minutes at a time that's convenient for you, you can increase your awareness of self and the present, helping you to corral the stinking thinking with greater consciousness.
   • Try taking a yoga class. Yoga can also help you become more aware of the world as you get in touch with your breathing.[3]
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   Read more. Read about people who have fought fear with courage and have succeeded in life, from explorers to entrepreneurs. Through reading, you will gain new knowledge and understanding and you will see that you're not alone in the endeavor to constantly reset the mind's course. Every person has to do this to succeed in creating a personally fulfilling life.
   
   
   
   
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   Explore your creative side. If you haven't had a chance to explore your creative side, now's the time. Taking the time to be artistic and to work with your hands or explore your most original thoughts can do wonders for your power to think outside the box and to therefore think positively. Even if you don't think you're naturally inclined toward creativity, there are a number of ways you can express yourself to become more positive.
   
   
   
   
   • Pick up a camera and start taking pictures that inspire you, or even take a photography class.
   • Take a ceramics or pottery class and take pleasure from working with your hands.
   • Be a creative writer. Try penning a poem, short story, or even try your hand at a novel.
   • Take a watercolor or oil painting class. This is a great way to give your mind a break as you focus on the images on your canvas.
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   Spend time with optimistic people. Optimism is infectious. Misery is also infectious. Which would you prefer? If you want to be infected by optimism, you should associate with people who can provide something of value. Look for the positives in other people too –– finding what is good in people and accentuating that will help more of it to flourish. Learn to compliment people around you. Here's how to spend more time with optimistic people:
   
   
   
   
   • Avoid people who sap your energy and motivation. If you can't avoid them, or don't want to, learn how not to let them get you down and keep your connection with thembrief.
   • Avoid dating anyone with a negative outlook, unless you really care about that person and want to change him. If you're already prone to negative thinking, you'll be falling into a trap.
   • Connect with people who have many passions they call their own and want to share them with you. Passion -- and optimism -- is contagious.
     
     
     
     
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   Set meaningful goals. Whatever your goal may be, you should keep yourself busy working on it and believe in the cause you've set for yourself. Once you reach the first goal, you will be inspired to continue with the remaining goals, as well as adding new ones to your life. With each goal you achieve, no matter how small, you will gain confidence and your self-esteem will increase, feeding more positivity in your life.
   • And in general, have a plan for your life––where you want to go and how you want to get there. Where do you want to be at certain points in your life? This doesn't have to be complicated, but by having a general plan, you give yourself the motivation to overcome obstacles and to start feeling that you are in control of your destiny –– not fate, not other people, and not random events.
     
     
     
     
   • Embrace the difficulties you may face as you try to reach your goals. They will happen as often as successes or peak moments in your life, perhaps more often. They are there to teach you what doesn't work, what needs changing, and how you can improve your approaches. They are something you can cope with, if you choose to do so.
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   Don't forget to have fun. Okay, it's a cliche but it's said often for good reason –– people who seek a bit of regular fun in their lives tend to be happier and more positive because it isn't all drudgery and never-ending monotony. Fun breaks up the hard work and challenges. Here are some great ways to become more positive by having fun:
   
   
   
   
   • Do something completely out of your comfort zone, such as skydiving or rock climbing, and see how much fun you have.
   • Always make time for laughter. Hang out with friends who make you laugh, go to a comedy club, or watch a funny movie. It'll be hard to think negatively when your funny bone is being tickled.
   • Always plug fun into your schedule. If you're a stressed-out workaholic with no time for fun, then you're much more likely to think negatively. Work a few hours into your week when you'll have license to laugh, goof off, and not take life so seriously.
   • Just be plain silly. Tell bad jokes with your friends, play dress up, or play charades. You won't be able to think negatively if you're too busy goofing off and having fun.

Tips

• "Positivity attracts positivity" in the same way that "negativity attracts negativity". If you are kind, nice and helpful to people, you can expect the same treatment back. On the other hand, if you are rude, lacking in manners and unkind to people, then people will not respect you and will avoid you because of your unattractive or belittling attitude.
• Having a sense of control over your life is an important part of positive outlook thinking. Equally, avoid the trap of thinking that other people have more control over their lives than you do––this is a negative thought tendency and can cause you to unfairly compare yourself with other people and can make it seem that people of influence in your life have more control over you than they actually do.
• Stay physically fit and eat healthily. These are important foundations for a positive outlook––it's a lot harder to feel positive when you're unwell and/or unfit.
• Change your mental pictures. What and how you see yourself and your surroundings make a difference to your thinking. You are visualizing or imagining something at every waking hour. Start to change your old internal dis-empowering pictures with images of something that you wish to experience.
• Laugh often. Laughter and positive emotions through comedy, amusement, fun and happy activities are an important part of keeping your spirits up. And yes, it's okay to laugh when the chips are down––sometimes the tinkle of humor is just what you need to start fixing things.
• You can't always control events in your life but you can control what you choose to think and feel about them. You can choose to look at things positively or otherwise. You decide.
• Do things that spark your creativity. Creative people are filled with wonder and liable to follow many tunnels in the rabbit warren of life, ever curious and excited about what they might find. Creativity is a force for feeling positive because it inspires and leads you on to continue discovering, making and achieving in a never-ending loop; for creative people, the journey is as much joy as the destination, something that can decrease the longing for things you don't yet have, thereby freeing you up to enjoy what you do have in your life already.
• If you feel like your day has not been good, think about the good things that happened in that day, think of how much worse the bad stuff in your day could have been. You'll be surprised how good your day can seem when you look at it like that.