'My father raped me then told me it was better to lose my virginity to him than a random person in a hotel': Daughter reveals harrowing abuse ordeal
- - Gemma Schembri, from Lincolnshire, was raped by her father, Mark
- - She was only 12 at the time and didn't realise it was wrong
- - Wishes she'd been told more about dangers of sexual abuse at young age
- - New NSPCC campaign, PANTS, shows parents how to talk to children about subject
- in appropriate way
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Ordeal: Gemma was raped by her father when she was 12
A young woman who was raped by her father at the age of 12 has shared her story in the hope it will help other victims of sexual abuse.
Gemma Schembri, now 21, from Lincolnshire, revealed her father, Mark, had always been controlling but took his abuse further after he split up with her mother.
She said: 'He started to sexually abuse me when I stayed with him and it went on for over a year. He was very manipulative and controlled my thoughts to make me believe it was normal.
'The first time he raped me he said afterwards, "Well it was better that it was with me than with some random person in a hotel".'
Gemma said she didn't realise what her father was doing was wrong and it took her years to pluck up the courage to reveal she was a victim of abuse.
She explains: 'My mum hadn't spoken to me about sexual abuse and what type of touching was acceptable and what wasn't. It took me two years to tell someone I was being abused as I didn't realise it was wrong at first and then, when I did, I didn't know how to broach the subject with my mum.'
As a result of her ordeal, Gemma is now supporting a campaign by the NSPCC - who supported her as she came to terms with her experiences.
The charity have launched a campaign called PANTS that encourages parents to have simple, age appropriate conversations with their children to make them aware of the dangers of sexual abuse.
PANTS stands for 'Privates are private', 'Always remember your body belongs to you', No means no', 'Talk about secrets that upset you' and 'Speak up someone can help'.
Don't suffer in silence: The NSPCC campaign encourages parents to tell their children not to keep things that upset them secret (posed
by model)
They advise parents to tell primary school children of the 'underwear rule' - that they shouldn't be touched by anyone else in the areas their underwear covers.
It's something Gemma wishes she had been taught at a young age.
She said: 'I think for me to have known that what was happening was wrong my mum would have needed to have said, "You shouldn't let people touch you in areas that your underwear would cover" so I knew what was acceptable and what wasn't.
'I'd had sex education at school when I was younger but that was just about safe sex and I think a girl should be told about what constitutes sexual abuse by her mum not teachers.'
Help: Gemma finally confided in her mother and the family were supported by the NSPCC and her father was jailed
It was after she finally confided in her mother that Gemma's abuse at the hands of her father finally ended and he was arrested, charged and eventually jailed for nine years.
Gemma explained: 'Telling my mum about the abuse was the worst conversation of my life.
'I sat down with her and couldn't get it out at first. Then I was just really blunt and blurted it out. Mum was shocked and started crying and we all sat crying together.'
But despite Mark being behind bars, Gemma's ordeal was far from over as she had to cope with the aftermath of his abuse, something she eventually learnt to deal with thanks to the NSPCC's help.
She said: 'Mark was arrested and our family was in bits. Mum blamed herself and there was lots of arguing. I felt broken and suicidal and was self harming. I started acting out. I was drinking constantly and didn't care what I did.
'I had lots of social workers but they didn't stick around so when I was introduced to a worker from the NSPCC I told her I didn't like her. But she stuck with me and was always there for me. She made me realise a lot of things about myself and helped me understand why I was acting out and helped me work through it.
'I'm better now and love my life but I think that if I'd spoken out and stopped the abuse earlier and gotten help earlier I would have recovered more quickly.'
Victoria, from Dewsbury, who has a seven year old daughter said following the advice of the PANTS campaign has given her more peace of mind.
Victoria, from Dewsbury, who has a seven year old daughter said following the advice of the PANTS campaign has given her more peace of mind.
Moved on: But Gemma wishes she has spoken out earlier about the sexual abuse
She said: 'We had a great discussion, without fear or embarrassment about The Underwear Rule and what she must do should she ever find herself in that position. I feel confident that should my daughter find herself in such a position (which fingers crossed never happens), she'll be able to address the issue in an informed manner and without fear of repercussion.'
Another mother, Gillian, from Clydebank, who has a son, aged five, agreed: 'It was a difficult subject to approach with my son, but using the Underwear Rule and the materials provided by the NSPCC gave me the confidence to start having these conversations with him.'
Claire, from Swansea, who has two young girls added: 'I think this education campaign is a great idea. I have two daughters and when I watch the news I really fear for them. But I worry about spoiling their innocence; frightening them and making them feel they can't be normal around people.
'I know I have to prepare them for those times I am not with them and that they are more likely to be abused by someone they know, so I have tried to start talking to my girls but I worry that I might say the wrong thing or that they will start to ask questions I can't or don't want to answer! Any advice on what to say and how to cope with such a sensitive but important subject is great.
'I am going to start Talking PANTS to my girls, my goddaughter, nephew and all my friends with children - it's much better to talk to our kids about how they can be safe rather than how awful the last report about a child suffering abuse was on the news and now I have got some help to do it well.'
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