WOMEN - Anger issues in women

Anger issues in women are becoming increasingly common. 

Here's how to manage your anger.

 

When men get angry nobody bats an eyelid, but when a woman's temper gets the better of her, it becomes headline news. The spate of recent reports on schoolyard violence among girls has dominated current affairs programs over the past few months, yet when boys fight in the playground, it's somehow deemed normal.

Violence in women is becoming more prevalent than ever; the amount of women prosecuted for domestic violence has risen by 11 per cent in the past 10 years. The number of women arrested for violent crimes is 40 per cent higher than in 2005 and female road rage is more common than ever.

So why have women started to get angry? It may be as simple as the fact that females have increasing amounts of pressure and responsibility piled on them today.

Are we doing too much?

"Many women today are overextended," explains Melbourne-based anger management expert Meghann Birks. "Women are under a lot of pressure to do it all - work full-time, look after the family and still look good. When we're so busy, it doesn't allow time to be still and check in with yourself, which can be a big cause of pent-up anger and frustration." Many women try and hold in their anger, which in the long term can only make things worse, Birks says. "It's not seen as feminine to get angry. It's much more acceptable for men to lose their temper."

But holding your frustrations in can mean your anger builds up and is let out at inappropriate moments, Birks warns. "Many people get angry over small things, such as someone cutting in on them on the road. Although it may appear that this is what has triggered an angry outburst, it's likely they're actually upset about something that has happened previously which they haven't been able to express."

Some experts believe seeing violence on TV could also be contributing to the problem. On US TV, violence against women has increased by 120 per cent in the past five years. "Seeing violence and anger around us all the time sends the message that it's a normal way of expressing yourself," Birks says. "But there are much more effective ways to communicate that you're upset, like talking rationally about your feelings." It's also important to realise that even if you aren't outwardly shouting and screaming, you could still be experiencing anger.

Expressing anger

"Depression is sometimes described as 'anger turned inwards'," Birks says. "When women don't know how to deal with their emotions, they may internalise their anger. Keeping all these feelings inside can lead to depression." Not only does anger suppress your immune system, it can also destroy relationships. "People end up tiptoeing around you because they become nervous about when you're going to fly off the handle," Birks says.

Taking your anger out on children can be particularly detrimental. "Children don't understand it's not them who made you angry. All they see is someone shouting at them. They can absorb those emotions and start to think that's the correct way to react if someone is upset."Of course, sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to be angry, says Dr Vesna Grubacevic, a clinical hypnotherapist who specialises in anger issues.

"There are some situations where you are perfectly within your rights to feel angry," she says. "If someone has deliberately hurt or betrayed you, then of course you're allowed to feel angry and upset." The important thing is to differentiate between unresolved and resolved anger. Resolved anger means reacting proportionately in an appropriate way to a situation. Unresolved anger, such as road rage, is when you fly off the handle at a situation that doesn't warrant it. If you're constantly showing signs of unresolved anger, you need to think seriously about whether your temper is getting out of control. "If people appear shocked by how you're acting, chances are you've got an issue you need to deal with," Dr Grubacevic advises.

Getting Help

Talking to an anger management expert can help you deal with anger issues, but there are plenty of other things you can do to improve the situation. "The way you treat your body affects your anger levels," Birks explains. "Eating lots of additives and sugar can make you agitated and angry. Not exercising enough can also be a factor."

Then you need to take an honest look at your life and think about your priorities. "You don't have to do everything that's thrown at you," Birks says. "Saying 'no' allows you to take control of the situation. Many people say they're angry because they feel they have no control over their lives. Take that control back and you'll feel calmer."

When you feel yourself getting angry, take a physical step backwards before reacting, Birks suggests. "Then take a deep breath and count to 10," she says. "It sounds cliched, but it really does reduce the heat from the situation and allows you to think before you act."

Finally, it's important to realise that anger is often futile, Birks says. "If someone cuts in on you in the car and you spend the next hour feeling angry about it, the only person you're damaging is yourself," she says. "Think of anger as throwing a hot coal at someone; you'll blister your own fingers, but the person you throw the rock at will probably walk away unscathed."

How to stay calm

Use this meditation technique to reduce short-term anger, advises Dr Vesna Grubacevic.

• Pick a spot in front of you above eye level, such as the top of your computer screen.
• Focus intently on that spot, keeping your head still. Then, without moving your head, start to notice everything in your peripheral vision, such as furniture and people.
• Focus on that spot for two minutes. You'll start to feel calmer and more connected with everyone around you.

Source: http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/