Article by Bhavana Narayan
We humans are social beings. It is impossible to remain isolated! We depend on each other and we always want to be in good company. Friendship is one of the most important of human relationships. Having good friends to count upon is a bestowment. Whether it’s confiding in someone you trust, looking back at the treasure trove of memories, funny incidents or teasing each other, friendship never fails to put a smile on our faces. Hanging out and having fun with friends is undoubtedly the best part of our lives! Life would be so monotonous and lack luster, without friends who illuminate our lives and bring out the best in us. During times of difficulty or during times of frolic, they have always been there. Be it combined studies or projects, be it partying, or celebrating birthdays and exchanging gifts, the silly fights. They’re all part and parcel of our lives. We share, hence, we care!
Unfortunately, like every relationship, friendship has its share of ups and downs. Many misunderstandings creep up and we end up resenting each other. It is unavoidable sometimes, but it’s always best to work things out. Issues prevent the friendship from blossoming. The suspicion, angst, tears and arguments pave the way for separation. The pain of losing friends is nothing short of torture! We all have been there, done that!
We must all be grateful and considerate toward friends, and value each of our friends, because they are our companions. This article addresses some of the key issues in friendships, and ways to deal with them. Read on! I’m sure you can relate to it.
10. Too busy to hang out!
We get this a lot, don’t we? This friend never makes it to any of the hang outs or meet ups, giving this classic excuse: “Too busy today!” If you really want to meet your friends, then you must make time for them. Sometimes, to see old friends after a really long time, you can go off schedule! Friends are as important as our work or daily routines. Taking the time out to be with friends is not time wasted. It adds on to our memories. We shouldn’t ditch the plans after making them. We should try and keep up the promises we made and live up to our friends’ expectations.
9. Drifting apart
When our friends go on to make new friends, we feel left out. It feels like we are drifting apart. It feels bad. You start getting all possessive. You want your friend back. The one who meant so much to you. You think that your friend has changed a lot and does not care for you anymore! Instead of becoming aloof, we should let the other friend know as to how we feel, and the friend must understand that it’s important to treat the old friend as well as the new one, equally. Working out plans will help, rather than being sad about it and arguing.
8. Insecurity and exclusion
In a group of friends, generally, few differences arise and one always ends up feeling left out and feeling insecure. Feeling unwanted and feeling disconnected from the other friends is difficult to put up with. In this case, it’s always best to speak up. Most of the time, people won’t know what’s in your mind and they may not even know they’re ignoring you. They’re just too busy with themselves. For their part, they too must try and involve you in their lives and not be so self-obsessed.
7. Secrets and more secrets!
A secret shared is a friend accepted. If you start keeping away from friends and be very secretive, it means you don’t confide in them. You won’t open up because you think they won’t understand you and may judge you. This leads to lack of trust and lack of understanding. It may lead to problems in getting along with them. It starts to appear as if they don’t form an important part of your life. In fact, talking to them might change your view about them, and you may get a solution to your problem too.
6. Relationships
A relationship and a friendship don’t always go hand in hand. If your friendship with someone is taken to the next level, i.e. a relationship, things may get complicated, either with that person or with your other friends. Your friends may think that you spend more time with your partner, than with them. And if you start hiding details of your relationship, things get worse.
If you have a crush on your friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend or cheat on your friend, you’re betraying your friend. It is very difficult to resolve such issues. Our conscience must be clear and we must not play around with our friends’ emotions. It will lead to serious trust issues!
5. Going behind the back
Going behind your friend’s back and talking bad things about him/her to resolve the differences between you both, does more harm than good. If you don’t like something in your friend, tell it directly to him/her, instead of directing it through someone else. It increases transparency in the friendship. Besides, criticizing your friend in front of other people is not a good thing to do! Pointing out your friend’s flaws to others is not being respectful towards him/her.
4. Not being there always
Sometimes, we may feel that our friend hasn’t been there for us always. He/she is being selfish and hangs out with us only to fulfill his/her purposes. Being selfish is not a good trait in friendship. A true friend is there for support and help, during difficult times. Never back away in helping a friend in trouble. If a friend talks of his/her problems to you, listen! Do not think of it as meaningless cribbing. Think that you’re a refuge he/she is seeking.
3. Difference of opinion
Many times, arguments arise due to difference in opinion. If you agree with something, your friend disagrees, or vice versa. What you like may not be liked by your friend. Your idea or suggestion may seem legit to you, while it may seem pointless to your friend. And things fall apart, in disarray. To your dismay, it is not easy to fix this. A compromise must be worked out. To be able to co-exist peacefully, the opinions of all must be considered to make decisions, lest anyone should bicker about it.
2. Mistrust and misunderstandings
When trust is broken, it is a huge blow to the friendship. You start to hate your friend. Often, misunderstandings arise due to lack of clear communication. Before you conclude wrongly about your friend, think of the all good things he/she has done for you. Think of all the ways he/she has helped you, before you jump into a conclusion, for one mistake. Revenge is no good. We should forgive our friends for their mistakes.
Even though it is difficult to talk about something unpleasant, we must make it a point to apologize sincerely, for our mistakes. The key is to talk and resolve a way out! Not being open will worsen the issue. A slight misunderstanding shouldn’t give way to havoc.
1. Jealousy and competition
Jealousy is the biggest obstacle to a successful and blissful friendship. When we start to become jealous of our friends, we start thinking of just ourselves. We doubt our capabilities and become sadistic. We should be happy for our friends. The competitive spirit must be healthy. It shouldn’t come in the way of the friendship. We all have our ebbs and highs. Dealing with them with friends by our side is better than going out about it alone. If you are confident about yourself, you wouldn’t be jealous of your friend’s accomplishments. Jealousy shouldn’t be allowed to creep in. The friendship is more important than the problem. Relationships must not be weighed against material possessions.
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