MOTHER - 10 Things You Should Know About Moms

Ever seen that mom in her designer heels, with her perfectly manicured pink fingernails and just-blown-out hair, toting a toddler with one arm and holding a pot roast in the other? 

I haven’t, either. Because, most likely, she doesn’t exist. As a mom, I’ve certainly learned what it’s like to be raising young kids in modern times, and it’s far from Pleasantville. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the hardest job in the world. With just six days until Mother’s Day, our national day of appreciation, here are 10 things to keep in mind about new moms — including what it’s like, rules to follow when interacting with us and why moms are worthy of their own holiday.

1.  We don’t like to be felt like produce while pregnant.

Unlike the rows of cantaloupe at your local grocer, pressing on our pregnant bellies will not indicate ripeness, but more likely prompt a bit of rage. Moms, in general, don’t like this, so please ask before entering a pregnant woman’s personal space.

2.  We’ll be OK if you don’t give us your advice.

First-time moms are very sensitive, especially when it comes to unsolicited advice. Usually, we want to be able to do everything on our own, even if we do end up buying the wrong kind of diaper cream.

3.  We’re embarrassed, too, when our kids have a temper tantrum.

Imagine how you feel when someone says something about your yappy dog or a less-than-flattering dress. We get that yucky feeling multiplied by a thousand when our kids act up at the store or throw themselves violently on the carpet. Problem is, they’ll do something incredibly amazing five minutes later in private to make up for it.

4.  We, or someone in our family, is always sick.

The first two years of a new mom’s life is spent in a constant cycle of viruses and infection. If it’s not the child, it’s the mom, or, for maximum fun, both mom and child at the same time. Also, we get to see some of the grossest, stomach-turning, reasons-for-not-wanting-to-be-a-doctor things with great frequency. I have been thrown up on in the face. More than once.

5.  We love to talk about our kids, no matter how embarrassing it is for them.

It’s rude to brag about yourself, but our children are always fair game when sharing successes. It may be boring for you to hear that our kid can now kick a ball or got an A on a test, but to us, it’s greater than someone walking on the moon.

6.  We like to have fun, too.

Just because we frequent Chuck E. Cheese or spend hours on a playground doesn’t mean that’s all we do. We’re still humans, and we still need adult interaction, even if we spend a lot of the time talking about what our children did that day.

7.  Sleep is not an option for most of us.

Eventually children do sleep through the night. However, something happens to many moms, even when sleep is a semi-sure thing. It’s the fear of a child waking up, invoking the shoulders-to-your-earlobes kind of anxiety that renders you on the verge of waking up at all times. But, it is pretty great when your child comes in and cuddles up to you when you least expect it.

8.  We know more about medical ailments than the average person.

Remember that whole thing about moms not wanting advice? Well, that rule doesn’t apply to us. Moms love giving out medical advice based on hours of memorizing WebMD from several searches on rashes, fevers and coughs, and, if you’re not careful, we will share it with you in great detail.

9.  You can pretty much find anything you will ever need in our purse.

Different kinds of wipes, hair clips, snacks, Lysol — you name it, we carry it in our big satchel of stuff. Why do moms carry so much? Because they know that feeling of sheer panic when you’re out of juice or there’s a massive spill. It’s too risky to assume nothing will happen, so we know how to be prepared.

10. We would do it all over again.

Even with a painful labor and always lugging stuff around, the temper tantrums and sleepless nights, the laundry and unwashed hair, almost every mom I know would do it again in a second. Why? There’s something about your children giggling at their own jokes or learning something brand new that’s irresistible.