THE ART OF FEEDBACK - 5 Tactics that Work

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of real-time, 360 reviews in the workplace, or something I call “On-the-Spot” performance reviews. But feedback by itself won’t necessarily spur positive change—regardless of when it’s delivered. What matters is how team members receive the feedback and what they do with it. I think we’ve all delivered feedback, or at least known someone who has, when it wasn’t delivered well and was ultimately misunderstood.

Giving feedback that works is an art. And while the "On-the-Spot” performance review is a vehicle to delivering feedback, the tactics that you use determine whether your feedback falls on deaf ears—or is put into action.

Here are my tips for giving unforgettable feedback that works:

#1 Recognize how your team members prefer to receive feedback.

The easiest way to find out is simply to ask: “How do you prefer to receive feedback?” Some people prefer to receive feedback in person so they can have a discussion. Others may prefer to receive it in writing so they can reflect and process before taking the next steps toward improvement. By working with team members to deliver feedback in a format that’s preferable to them, you also improve morale by communicating that you care deeply about your team members and are sensitive to their working styles.

#2 Document any coaching sessions in writing.

I learned this strategy relatively early on in my career when I was having a problem with one of our managers. One evening, I discussed the issue with him face-to-face and thought I had done a pretty good job at delivering a tough but constructive message. To reinforce my points, I crafted a follow-up email, sent it, and intended to follow up again in the morning—but almost immediately, my phone rang. It was the same manager I had just spoken to, and after having seen my points in writing, he realized that the issues were more serious than he thought. We had breakfast early the next morning to help resolve any confusion.

This experience made me realize that we each had a vastly different understanding of the conversation, and my meaning became clear to my employee only after I had conveyed my ideas to him in writing. Now, whenever I have specific or difficult feedback to give, even if it starts in a meeting or over the phone, I make it a best practice to follow up with something in writing.

#3 Set and clarify the context for your feedback.

Team members’ responsibilities and your expectations of them should be perfectly clear. Talk to them. Coach them. Answer their questions. Their role should not be vague—and if it is, you should ask yourself, “What context did I fail to set?” This is another piece of wisdom I picked up from Patty McCord, the former Chief Talent Officer at Netflix. Says Patty, when giving feedback or mentoring, make sure you set the specific context for the feedback as it relates to your expectations of the team member. In other words, when they receive feedback, they should understand exactly why the feedback is constructive, congratulatory, etc.

#4 Create opportunities to identify and fix problems that are systemic.

I wrote about an experience I had when I discovered that employees of a particular department had given negative feedback in our team culture survey. This survey gathers high-level information about departmental performance. Because the metrics we look at in these surveys are systemic, not related to individuals, we are able to address overall issues rather than singling out any specific people, likely unfairly, as the root of the issue. This helps improve morale and performance among team members. When you create opportunities to fix larger issues like this, there will be less need to address challenges on the individual level.

#5 Find time to provide thorough feedback to make your own job easier.

Throughout my career, I’ve heard many managers complain that giving in-depth feedback takes too much time. But, trust me—the feedback you give will be worth it. The single most important thing you can do as a manager is to get the right people on the bus in a good environment. If you’re not providing feedback, you’re not creating that good, productive environment, and you’re potentially letting unseen problems fester. People don’t change if they don’t know something needs to be changed.

In the absence of feedback, team members and organizations aren’t optimized. Transparency and honest feedback, in real time, is the only way to go, and these five tactics will help you give feedback that works.

Gary Swart is the CEO of oDesk, a leading online workplace.

PERSONAL IMPROVEMENT - Top 10 Simple Tips to Improve your Handwriting

Article by astha chadha

Have you ever scored low in a test despite that perfect answer just because the teacher found someone else’s handwriting more ‘legible’? Have you ever gaped and wondered at a friend’s beautifully crafted angelic alphabets? Ever looked and frowned at your notes, trying to recognize the indistinguishable ‘m’ and ‘n’? Well, let’s admit as kids almost each one of us has had the woes of poor handwriting. We have been told innumerable times about (even been scolded and rebuked for) our careless and shabby writing!

The advent of computers and laptops may have revolutionized the world and completely overthrown the ‘handwritten’ documentation in the professional arena, yet, there is no doubt to the fact that our handwriting is the reflection of our personality. People with good handwriting are able to project self-confidence, diligence and dexterity onto the paper.

We cannot substitute the beauty of a handwritten letter with the printed alphabet and so, for anyone who has always wanted to have that beautiful and legible scribble, here are ten, simple yet powerful ways to equip you with a legible hand – 10 easy ways to improve and flaunt a beautiful handwriting!

10. KEEP IT COMFORTABLE

The first step is to be comfortable. Do not put a lot of force on the paper while writing. A beautiful letter and a smooth writing should come with ease. Let smoothness flow through the ink otherwise either the pencil tip will break too often or sheet will be full of ink smudges. Hold the pen/pencil where it feels comfortable. Ideally, it should not be held too close to the tip or too far from it either.

Don’t move your hand too much or you will soon be tired. Position your hand on the paper and then let your arm move,you don’t have to craft and draw every alphabet, you just need to form them. That would need much of a wrist or hand movement but basically an arm’s motion.

9. TRY OUT A DIFFERENT WEAPON

We have all heard that ‘the pen is mightier than sword’, so find that right weapon for yourself! Try out first with a pencil since it brings out the grace in a better way. You could even equip yourself with colored pens, sketch pens, bold markers or even calligraphy pens to add diversity and colors to your notes. After sufficient practice you may even go for an artistic brush and paints!! Don’t use gaudy, fancy bejeweled or decorative pens. They would only add to the work by making you put unnecessary extra effort, and you would end up putting more time on a piece of work.

8. SIT RIGHT AND SET IT RIGHT

Don’t tire yourself; otherwise the magic of your hand will wear off. Sit in a comfortable, yet preferably, upright posture. Sit on a chair and use a table. It is not a wise or advisable idea to begin by putting a notepad on your lap and letting the pen dance across the paper’s surface. This would get even messier than before!

Use one hand (whether left or right) to write and put the other one to support the sheet of paper. Try to be attentive. Your eyes must follow the movement of your pen. This will give you a better concentration power.

7. LINES ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND

Initially it is advisable to use a ruled sheet. This would help you form equi-proportional alphabets and characters. Write on the line, not above it. This will let your alphabets be more uniform rather that irregular. It is also advisable to practice writing on a graph paper in order to keep the alphabets more balanced. Later you may try your ‘hand’ on a plain sheet. Beyond that, you are free for experimenting on greeting cards and more!!

6. GIVE ‘EM A BREAK

Give your words a break! This may seem too small to be noticeable, but this is a very important thing to be kept in mind while aiming for a perfect handwriting. If your words tend to stick together too much, they might become unrecognizable to add to the woes! Give ample space between two words to make each one distinguishable from another. Initially one could give a ‘one or two fingers’ space between each word. Later, it would get self-incorporated in your handwriting, and you won’t have to worry about it at all!

5. DON’T LET IT LEAN

Although you are free to choose how you want to write but generally words should not slant too much forward (to the right) or backwards (to the left). They tend to be difficult to be read. One may have to tilt their heads to understand the word! A teacher would only find it too annoying! To leave a good impression the handwriting needs to look balanced. Try practicing on giving only a slight or very little inclination to your alphabets, if you want (and that too preferably an inclination to the right!). There is no bias but words slanting to the right usually are better recognizable than words slating to the left. 

4. PRACTICE MAKES YOU PERFECT

This is not a holiday’s home task or important semester assignment. So keep it cool! Try to write small paragraphs each day whenever you feel free to do so. There are no substitute for a good practice and no escape from hard work.

It would be even better to write an original piece, say, how your day went or about your schedule for the next day or even plans for a special day! This will keep you in a positive state of mind. After finishing it, always go back to review what you wrote. Check out on that grammar and spellings too. Not only will you have a beautiful writing but also beautiful and grammatically correct language!

3. BE PATIENT

The mood always flows through your work. Whether you realize it or not, the others usually do. The handwriting reflects your mood and even your state of mind. However bad your handwriting may be, a happy mood always makes it better than before while a frustrated one leaves it in a worse state! So don’t get impatient after a few pages of scribble. Give yourself time. You know it’s not impossible. But it will need practice and perseverance, after all even Rome wasn’t built in a day!

2. BE CREATIVE BE CURSIVE

You don’t have to copy text and copy styles, just try to be YOU. Make different alphabets and see which one you find easy to make and quick to adopt. Try to draw cursive alphabets instead of disjoint ones. Cursive handwriting, though taught in nursery, is the key to write words quickly and neatly without lifting your pen too much! Although it is becoming a vanishing art yet it remains one of the best ways to have a legible and neat handwriting.

1. WRITE  ‘CASTLES’ IN THE AIR

This one is not like dreaming away but actually takes you closer to your dream! Although most of us may be unaware of this trick but lo and behold, it has been scientifically studied, experimented and proven that writing in the air strengthens the muscles of the arm, shoulder and hand. Start by writing big in the air and progress to writing small. Try to move less of your wrist and more of your arm. You don’t have to look silly by doing this in everyone’s presence, but another way could be using a chalk and board or a marker pen and white board! Eventually, the aim is to gain control of your movements and achieve that flawless flow of words.

Remember , good handwriting is a skill and it stays with you even after you exit the examination hall … so putting in the extra effort in order to write a legible piece effortlessly is a small thing to ask for a prized possession. Remember, that it is an acquired skill, anybody can and so can you! 

COMMUNICATION - Assertiveness - Tips & Techniques

This page provides some simple tips and techniques that you can use to improve your assertiveness skills and also to help others to express themselves in a more assertive way.

By being assertive we can feel better about ourselves - improving self-esteem and personal confidence.  Sometimes the way we react and respond to others can make us feel inadequate, guilty or regretful.  These may be signs of passive behaviour.  We may also feel angry and critical of others during conversations, this may be a sign of more aggressive behaviour.  

This page details some ways that both passive and aggressive communication can be reduced and replaced with assertive communication, which in turn will lead to more positive interpersonal interactions.

When practising these assertiveness techniques it is important to remember what assertiveness is and its importance in the communication process. Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive; on the contrary, assertiveness means standing up for what you believe. Assertiveness is expressing your thoughts, emotions, beliefs and opinions in an honest and appropriate way. As assertiveness should be encouraged in others it is also important to remember that we should always respect the thoughts, feelings, opinions and beliefs of other people.

Assertiveness allows individuals to assert their personal rights without undermining the rights of others.  Assertiveness is considered a balanced response, being neither passive nor aggressive, with self-confidence playing an important part.  An assertive person responds as an equal to others and aims to be open in expressing their wishes, thoughts and feelings.

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General Techniques of Assertiveness

Two key techniques that can aid assertiveness are known as "Fogging" and the "Stuck Record" technique.

Fogging

Fogging is a useful technique if people are behaving in a manipulative or aggressive way.

Rather than arguing back, fogging aims to give a minimal, calm response, using terms that are placating but not defensive, while at the same time not agreeing to meet demands.

Fogging involves agreeing with any truth that may be contained within statements, even if critical. By not responding in the expected way, in other words by being defensive or argumentative, the other person will cease confrontation as the desired effect is not being achieved. When the atmosphere is less heated, it will be possible to discuss the issues more reasonably.

Fogging is so termed because the individual acts like a 'wall of fog' into which arguments are thrown, but not returned.

Example Situation

“What time do you call this? You're nearly half an hour late, I'm fed up with you letting me down all the time.”

Fogging response:

“Yes, I am later than I hoped to be and I can see this has annoyed you.”

“Annoyed? Of course I'm annoyed, this has left me waiting for ages. You really should try to think about other people a bit more.”

Fogging response:

“Yes, I was concerned that you would be left waiting for almost half an hour.”

“Well... why were you late?”

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The Stuck Record Technique

The Stuck Record technique employs the key assertive skill of 'calm persistence'.

It involves repeating what you want, time and time again, without raising the tone of your voice, becoming angry, irritated, or involved in side issues.

Example Situation

Imagine that you are returning something that is faulty to a store. The conversation may go as follows.

“I bought these shoes last week and the heels have fallen off. I would like a refund please.”

“It looks like they've been worn a lot and these shoes were only designed for occasional wear.”

Stuck Record technique response:

“I have only had them a week and they are faulty. I would like a refund please.”

“You cannot expect me to give you your money back after you've worn them out.”

Stuck Record technique response:

“The heels have fallen off after only a week and I would like a refund please.”

... and so on.

Continually repeating a request will ensure the discussion does not become side-tracked and involved in irrelevant argument. The key is to stay calm, be very clear in what you want, stick to the point and not give up. Accept a compromise only if you are happy with the outcome.

Positive and Negative Enquiry

Positive Enquiry

Positive enquiry is a simple technique for handling positive comments such as praise and compliments. 

People often struggle with responding to praise and compliments, especially those with lower self-esteem as they may feel inadequate or that the positive comments are not justified.  It is important to give positive feedback to others when appropriate but also to react appropriately to positive feedback that you receive.

Positive enquiry is used to find out more details about the compliment or praise given, and agree with it:

Example Situation

Sender:

“You made an excellent meal tonight, it was delicious!”

Receiver:

“Thanks. Yes, it was good. What did you like about it in particular?”

This is different from a passive response that may have been:

"It was no effort" or "It was just a standard recipe"

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Negative Enquiry

The opposite of positive enquiry is negative enquiry.  Negative enquiry is a way to respond to more negative exchanges such as receiving criticism.

Dealing with criticism can be difficult, remember that any criticism received is just somebody's opinion. See our page: Dealing with Criticism for more information.

Negative enquiry is used to find out more about critical comments and is a good alternative to more aggressive or angry responses to criticism.

Example Situation

Sender:

“That meal was practically inedible, I can't remember the last time I ate something so awful”

Receiver:

“It wasn't the best, exactly what didn’t you like about it?”

This is different from a aggressive response that may have been:

"How dare you, I spent all afternoon preparing that meal" or "Well that's the last time I cook for you"

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Learn to think about your responses and how you behave when you communicate with others.

By using techniques designed to make you more assertive you will find that generally your communication and other interpersonal interactions are more positive.

Source: SkillsYouNeed.com

COMMUNICATION - Dealing with Non-Assertiveness

Dealing with Passive Behaviour

People often behave in a passive way because of low self-esteem or confidence.  Assertive behaviour should aim to make it clear that the other person's contributions are valued. Remember that it is possible to value someone's contribution without necessarily agreeing with it. 

As well as being more assertive ourselves, assertiveness should also be encouraged in others so that they can communicate their ideas and emotions freely without feeling under pressure to say certain things.

Assertiveness can be encouraged by using well honed interpersonal skills such as listening, questioning, reflection and clarification.

Some ways to demonstrate that you value the other person's contribution:

·         Encourage contribution through open questioning, by asking opinions, and by drawing people into the discussion in group situations.

·         Listen closely to what someone has to say before continuing the conversation.

·         Show that you are interested in what someone has to say through appropriate questioning, reflecting, clarification and summarising skills. 

·         Show that you value the other person's contribution through the use of appropriate verbal and non-verbal communications such as nodding, smiling, good eye contact and encouraging language. 

·         Encourage people to be more open in voicing their feelings, wishes and ideas.

·         Not allow yourself to take responsibility for decisions that should be made jointly.

The more a person is able to contribute and feel that their contribution is valued, the more they will feel valued as an individual.  The experience of positive feedback will help to increase a person's self-confidence.  The whole chain of events should enable the person concerned to overcome any passive reactions and behave more assertively.

Dealing with Aggressive Behaviour

Handling aggressive behaviour in others is particularly difficult when it is accompanied by negative attitudes.  To avoid responding defensively or aggressively, self control is required. It should be noted that aggressive behaviour here refers to verbal and non-verbal messages and not to any form of physical violence. For dealing with potentially violent aggression.

Key strategies that can help to deal with aggressive behaviour:

·         Maintain self control.  Although anger can sometimes be a positive force, responding in a similarly angry manner will do little to discourage aggression.  If appropriate, be prepared to take time to think over issues before entering into discussion.  It might be helpful to say something like, “I need time to think about that” or “Can we talk about this tomorrow when we have more time?”. 

·         Remember that other people have a right to their emotions, including anger.  Try to understand why they are angry and aggressive.

·         Pausing, counting to ten, before responding to an outburst can help to avoid answering in an automatic, defensive or aggressive way.

·         Avoid argument and defensiveness and try to maintain calm.

·         Try to find areas of agreement with the other person, rather than focusing on the disagreements.

·         Find and demonstrate ways in which decisions and solutions can be shared, e.g. “How can we find a solution to this?”. 

·         Try to show some empathy with the other person, how do you feel when you are angry with others?  

Often it is difficult for a person behaving aggressively to calm down and see things from a broader point of view, since anger can be an expression of personal frustration. The application of the above techniques should help you to express yourself assertively, rather than aggressively. This should help to defuse the situation and result in more positive and effective communication.

Dealing with Demands

Dealing with unacceptable demands can be a daunting experience and having the courage to be assertive in such circumstances is not easy for some people.  It must always be acknowledged that everyone has the right not to fulfil a demand.

When faced with a demand, consideration should be given to the following:

·         Most people are strongly influenced by stereotypes, for example those of the efficient manager or the selfless mother.  Such generalisations can sometimes place unreasonable demands, expectations and unfair burdens upon those holding particular roles.  Everyone has the right not to accept the demands associated with such roles.

·         When rejecting a demand, it is important to explain that it is the demand that is being rejected and not the person.

·         People often feel that others have a right to their time and effort.  You have a right to say “no” without having to justify yourself.

·         Having rejected a demand, it is important to keep to that decision. If you crumble under pressure, others will learn you can be swayed, so be firm. You do of course have the right to change your mind if circumstances change.

·         In making demands, people often resort to passive or manipulative responses and may also assume a dependency upon the efforts of others.  Apart from certain exceptions, for example dependent children, everyone is responsible for themselves and undue reliance should not be placed upon others.

Dealing with Criticism

When receiving criticism:

·         Take time to decide whether it is genuine criticism or whether there is some other reason for it.

·         Acknowledge the criticism by repeating or reflecting it. You might respond “So you feel that I...”

·         Acknowledge any truthful elements of the criticism.

·         If the criticism includes an element of truth, try to avoid the common response of lashing back with counter criticism. Criticism with a hint of truth tends to be wounding, but it may be offered in the hope that it will be used constructively.

Giving Criticism

·         Criticism can be tempered or appear less brutal when it is given alongside support for the other person, in essence by ensuring it is a criticism of the action rather than the person.  Begin with a supportive comment such as “I appreciate all the work you've put in on this, but we have a problem with...”

·         Any sentence that begins 'You are' will cause offence and should be avoided at all cost, unless it ends with a compliment.

·         Keep any criticism specific and avoid generalities, for example “It was late when you picked  up the children today” rather than “You're always late.”  Generalised statements may not reflect the reality of a situation and have a tendency to imply that the individual is at fault when the problem may have been caused by other difficulties or unforeseen circumstances.

·         It is preferable to avoid blaming someone else for causing your emotions, for example “You make me so angry when...”  It is better to focus on yourself as the centre of your own emotions and, as an alternative to the statement above, you could say “I feel very angry when you...”

Giving and Receiving Compliments

·         Some people find the giving and receiving of compliments difficult or embarrassing.  Some find the need to either shrug them off or return them. Complimenting is a positive way of giving support, showing approval and increasing the other person's self-confidence.

·         If a compliment is rejected, the person giving it may feel embarrassed or discounted and might be less likely to pay a compliment in the future.

·         When giving a compliment, ensure it is genuine.

·         Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement.

·         If a compliment is not appropriate then find a way to say thank you or offer some praise.

COMMUNICATION - Why People Are Not Assertive

There are many reasons why people may act and respond in a non-assertive way, this pages examines some of the most common. When people are not assertive they can suffer from a loss of confidence and self-esteem, which is more likely to make them less assertive in the future. It is therefore important to break the cycle and learn to be more assertive, whilst at the same time respecting the views and opinions of other people. We all have a right to express our feelings, values and opinions.

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Reasons People are Not Assertive

Low Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Feelings of low self-esteem or self-worth often lead to individuals dealing with other people in a passive way.

By not asserting their rights, expressing their feelings or stating clearly what they want, those with low self-esteem or self-confidence may invite others to treat them in the same way. Low self-esteem is reinforced in a vicious circle of passive response and reduced self-confidence.

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Roles

Certain roles are associated with non-assertive behaviour, for example low status work roles or the traditional role of women. Stereotypically, women are seen as passive, while men are expected to be more aggressive.

There can be great pressure on people to conform to the roles that are placed upon them. You may be less likely to be assertive to your boss at work than you would be to a colleague or co-worker who you considered to be at an equal or lower level than you in the organisation.

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Past Experience

Many people learn to respond in a non-assertive way through experience or through modelling their behaviour on that of parents or other role models. Learnt behaviour can be difficult to unlearn and the help of a counsellor may be needed.

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Stress

When people are stressed they often feel like they have little or no control over the events their lives.

People who are stressed or anxious can often resort to passive or aggressive behaviour when expressing their thoughts and feelings. This is likely to increase the feelings of stress and potentially make others feel stressed or anxious as a result.

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Personality Traits

Some people believe they are either passive or aggressive by nature, in other words that they were born with certain traits and that there is little they can do to change their form of response.

This is very nearly always an incorrect assumption, everybody can learn to be more assertive even if their natural tendencies are passive or aggressive.

Assertiveness Rights and Responsibilities

To be assertive is to understand that everyone has basic human rights that should be respected and upheld.

Responding passively can allow such rights to be neglected or ignored. In contrast, when behaving aggressively the rights of others can be abused.

Rights that are considered 'personal rights' will vary from person to person and will differ from culture to culture.

An individual's assertive rights should always include:

·         The right to express feelings, opinions, values and beliefs.

·         The right to change one's mind.

·         The right to make decisions.

·         The right to say "I don't know" and/or "I don't understand".

·         The right to say "no" without feeling bad or guilty.

·         The right to be non-assertive.

·         The right to personal freedom, to be one's self.

·         The right to privacy, to be alone and independent.

It is often necessary to balance the needs of others against our own. Consideration needs to be given as to when it is appropriate to assert personal rights and when it is not.

Remember that the list of assertive rights applies equally to other people as well as to yourself. Therefore, every individual has the responsibility to uphold and respect the rights of others.

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Negotiation and Co-operation

Being assertive does not mean that individual wishes are automatically granted: you will not always get what you want.

Assertive behaviour allows other people to state what they want and, of course, they might desire a different outcome. To overcome a conflict, assertiveness requires co-operation and negotiation. Co-operation and negotiation allow all parties to feel that their views have been recognised and that any decisions or outcomes have been reached through mutual understanding and negotiation.